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The Most Important Part of Good Anal Sex
There’s one thing that’s more important than anything else if you want to have safe and pleasurable anal sex. Lubricant is important. Having protection like gloves and condoms is essential. But the number one thing you need if you want to enjoy anal sex is desire. You have to want to have anal sex and be excited about learning about it before you do it. You can have doubts or concerns. There’s no way of knowing you’ll like it until you try it. But if you don’t really want to try it, if you’re just going along with a partner for their sake, it’s going to be a whole lot harder to have it safely and to enjoy it. This is true for all sex. Because anal sex requires you to really relax, and to listen to your body, if you aren’t motivated to do those things (and desire is a great motivator) you should think about waiting or just doing something else.
Much Ado About Poo
Few of us are raised with positive feeling about fecal matter. Coming into contact with a bit of unwanted excrement is a common fear for people who haven’t had anal sex before. The truth is that unless you go looking for it, or intentionally make sure it’s there, there isn’t a lot of fecal matter involved in anal sex. But there is a little. The rectum and anal canal are not a storage space for feces, they are a passageway. So if you’ve had a healthy bowel movement that day, and do a little external wash up (maybe put your finger inside your anus a little way while your washing), there shouldn’t be more than microscopic fecal matter in your rectum. If this is a concern for you, read more below. If you or your partner think it’s more than you can handle, you may want to hold off on the anal sex for now.
Whether or not people are actually having more anal sex, there is little doubt that people are talking more about anal sex than any time in recent history. The rise in public discussion of anal sex has pros and cons. On the plus side, more people are talking about anal sex and hopefully learning how to have it safely and pleasurably (if they want it). On the negative side, the increased talk may increase the pressure some feel to try anal sex. Anal sex is not a required part of healthy sexual expression, but if you are interested, you’ll find the basics below.
Time Required: Anal sex requires time, a slow build up, and a sustained period of arousal.
Here's How:
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What’s My Motivation?
The only reason to want to have anal sex is because you want to have anal sex. If you’re feeling pressure from a partner or based on some idea of what a hot and healthy sex life should be, forget it. Anal sex can be perfectly safe and highly pleasurable, but if you’re the one being penetrated and you aren’t turned on and completely into it, it could turn out to be neither. There may be lots of reasons why you want to do it, just make sure you know at least a few of them and they don’t all have to do with someone else.
Anal Play vs Anal Sex?
Usually when people think of anal sex they think of penetration. This is but one part of anal play. If you’re not interested in penetration, it doesn’t mean you have to ignore the entire part of your body. This whole area has been largely ignored for its sexual potential. The bum, the anus, and the rectum are all sites of enormous potential pleasure. They respond to feelings of touch, pressure, movement, and can be incredibly pleasurable. Here we’re talking about anal penetration, but there’s much more to explore without going inside.
Do Some Homework
There are some great books about anal sex and several educational anal sex videos, plus most sex manuals include a chapter about anal sex. Learn the basic parts of your anal anatomy including the sphincter muscles, the anal canal, the (male) prostate gland. There’s nothing like a hands on education, but checking out the road map first might help you orient yourself a little easier.
Practice When You’re Alone
Before you have anal sex with someone else, try it on your own. Even if you aren’t ever planning on being penetrated by your partner, knowing what it feels like, and getting a hands on education with your own anal anatomy will go a long way when you start doing things to someone else’s body. Anal masturbation can offer a fabulous education on how our bodies respond to anal stimulation. If your own anus is in reach, check it out first.
Talk With Your Partner
There are lots of ways to surprise your partner in bed that they’ll love. But “surprising them” by trying to have anal sex without talking about it first isn’t one of them. Anal sex requires the receptive partner to be very relaxed, feel safe and comfortable, and trust you to not make any sudden moves that will hurt them. This means that anal sex requires good sexual communication. If you’re not comfortable telling your partner you want to try anal sex, you may not be ready to have anal sex with that partner.
Anal Sex Safety
Everyone involved should know the basics of anal sex safety and how having dangerous anal sex can hurt your body. Always use condoms and gloves for anal sex, and have plenty of personal lubricant on hand to replenish during the sex play. If your anal sex involves sex toys, understand what makes a sex toy safe for anal use. Taking the previous steps will not only make anal sex more pleasurable, it’ll go a long way to keeping everyone safe psychologically and emotionally, and making anal sex more pleasurable.
Work From the Outside In
Start by exploring your partner’s entire backside with your hands and fingers. Massage their bum cheeks and once you’ve got your gloves and lube you can start gently touching and massaging the anal opening. Don’t rush to penetration, and don’t stampede to the anus. Instead pay attention to how their body is responding to different kinds of touch. Try a circular massaging motion with your fingers or gently knead the skin and muscle underneath. Take note of where they like to be touched, and where they can handle more vigorous stimulation versus a softer touch.
Pushing Not Poking
Never force a penis or dildo into the anus. Using what you learned during your solo anal exploration press the tip gently against the anal opening and wait for your partner to relax and let you in. Keep stimulating your partner at the same time with your hands or with a sex toy. If you’re having anal sex with a woman, providing clitoral stimulation is a good idea. Pay attention to how you’re partner is moving and move with, not against, them. Once your partner’s sphincter muscles relax you’ll feel yourself being drawn in. Let yourself slide in only as much as your partner’s body allows.
Just Be There
Once you’ve penetrated your partner for the first time, don’t immediately begin thrusting or even moving very much at all. Just take a moment to feel what it’s like and to let your partner get comfortable with some penetration. Don’t forget to keep other kinds of stimulation going (talking, using your hands, using sex toys). If you’re partner is moving their body you can gently move with them. Unless they know how deep they want it, don’t try to penetrate them deeper until your both turned on even more.
How to Move
Once you’re both comfortable begin to experiment with different movements. Start moving slowly inside of them trying both in/out and side-to-side movements. Pay attention to how their body is responding to your movements (also, you can ask). When you find something that works for both of you begin to ramp up the intensity slowly. Anal penetration is not like vaginal penetration and it has to build up slower and may never be as vigorous. If your partner is unsure you can ask them to do the moving and at first keep your body still. You can also suggest they be on top.
Anal Sex Positions
Anal sex is a much slower kind of penetration play and requires a longer period of intense arousal. Changing positions can mean a break in arousal that gets in the way. But for some people changing an anal sex position can really bump up the heat, or provide more physical comfort and greater range of motion. There isn’t one perfect anal sex position. If you enjoy anal sex the best thing to do is experiment until you find one, or a few, that work for you. Here are some examples of popular anal sex positions.
Check In Often
Be sure to check in with your partner often during anal sex. You can do this verbally (is that good? Do you like that? Do you want more, less, different? etc…) and you can ask your partner to give you feedback without you asking (more, slow it down, let’s try this, etc…) You can also get a lot of information from what’s happening non-verbally with their body. Are they tensing up? Are they moving more? Is their breathing becoming heavier, deeper, shallower? Are they getting wetter? All of this information can help you get into a rhythm with them and speed up, slow down, or keep going.
Sex Toys
Anal sex toys can be a great way to explore anal sex. It’s usually a good idea to let the partner being penetrated play with the toy on their own first so that they can help their partner know what they like and how to use the toy. If you’re having anal intercourse involving a penis an anal sex toy may be less useful. But using a vibrator to add stimulation for the partner being penetrated an/or the partner doing the penetration is a great idea. Because anal sex requires a slower build up and sustained sexual arousal hands can get tired, and a vibrator never does (although motor can burn out).
Cleaning Up
Even if you don’t see it, fecal matter and bacteria can and will be spread if you touch anything after touching the outside or inside of your anus. You should never move from anal play to vaginal play without washing carefully first. Bacteria that live happily in the anus are not happy in the vagina, and can cause serious infection. Below are some tips on cleaning up after anal sex.
Do Women Enjoy Anal Sex?
"I have only in the last year returned to the "single life" after 15 years of marriage. I had never had anal sex with my husband, nor had it ever been an issue. Now that I am dating again, I am told that anal sex is commonly practiced. I'm certainly not saying that there is anything wrong with it, it's just that the men that I have met are taken by surprise that I had never had anal sex before now and that I don't consider it to be something I really enjoy, or perhaps I am just new to it and it scares me a little. A man that I have been seeing a while tells me that he has dated many woman that wanted mainly anal sex. Please don't feel that this post is judgmental in anyway; I'm just wanting female points of view on anal sex and perhaps good or bad experiences in order to form my own opinion. At the end of the day, I realize that one does whatever they are comfortable doing..."
For more information on anal sex, please see:
What to Know About First-Time Anal Sex
How to Have Anal Sex
Does It Hurt?
Suggesting a New Sexual Activity to Your Partner
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I have been with my wife for over 17 years. We started dating in college. She was a virgin at the time and very curious about various types of sex. WE had vaginal, oral and anal sex, and she really enjoyed anal sex, as long as I go GENTLY. We occasionally still have it and obviously she still likes it. Whenevber you have anal sex make sure the guy is lubricated and definately have him go gently so you dont hvae any rectal bleeding.
A boyfriend in college introduced me to anal sex. Until that time I had only had oral and vaginal sex. He was good sized, but after plenty of foreplay and lube I found that it felt amazing – just very “full”. Now that I’m married I so have anal sex with my husband and I’m able to achieve an amazing orgasm if I stimulate my clitoris while having anal sex.
August 7, 2006 at 8:57 pm
(4) ed says:
u r lucky, it is very sweet, i like it many times.
August 8, 2006 at 12:51 pm
(5) Sarah says:
I am one of those women who prefer anal sex. It turns me on like no other form of sex. My current boyfriend is very well endowed and I love the way he feels in me more than my average sized boyfriends. He hits spots I never knew existed!
I have read allot of the comments by these lovely ladies and it appears that by quick consensus that most women here stated that they do it to please their man.
So with that said if the man did not request anal sex of them they would not have anal sex. Being a man and having been with my wife for over twenty five years. My desire for anal sex started about ten years ago for some unknown reason. I have been the only man she has ever been with so it’s not like some have suggested to conquer a first again.
I personally really like it allot and well my wife does it to please me. That is really not a nice situation I would prefer to be in but it appears to work. I do find it interesting that men can have fantastic oral and vaginal relations with their woman but hell, we always want more.
Allot of times I feel guilty divulging myself in a sexual act that she does not prefer. Not sure what drives this but I have accomplished having this type of relations fewer and fewer times.
I do agree with what some have said as it being a TABOO and I am sure that men like myself enjoy it more we feel we are taking something that is not freely given. I think if it was in my case “ Yeah do me in the butt any time you want and I love it and yada yada yada .” Men wouldn’t want it that much. I think deep down it’s a control factor and when the control is gone the need for it as well is gone…
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A man who craves anal sex with a women is insecure. The desire is for complete power and domination, not a pursuit of sexual pleasure for himself and certainly not for his partner. If a man truely found his wife sexually attractive and respected and valued her he would not have to sodomise her. I say to wives, if youre doing it to pleasure your husband and you hate it, consider whether he truely repects and loves you.
October 1, 2006 at 5:30 pm
(8) Ben Dover says:
While my wife and I both enjoy anal sex where I penetrate her, the best sex happens when she pentrates me. It took me years to get up the nerve to ask her to do me, but now we do it more often than any other sex act — her strap-on dildo is always erect, unlike my penis. I think a lot of guys who are penetrating their women are fantasizing about switching roles
October 18, 2006 at 3:35 am
(9) Love It! says:
There is nothing wrong with anal sex and for me it is amazing! The orgasms are much stronger and the feelings much more intense. Make sure you are clean, lubed, and relaxed. Give it a try!
October 22, 2006 at 8:26 am
(10) Steve says:
My wife loves anal sex and often slides her butt plug in my anus during foreplay BJ then we are both anally satisfied at the same time, it achieves intense orgasms for both of us. Please use plenty of lube…..
October 26, 2006 at 5:16 pm
(11) jena says:
Sex is an amazing thing in all its ways, but its up to you on what you want to try.I have done it and have it with a four of guys and only 3 i enjoyed it with.
November 6, 2006 at 2:25 am
(12) pops says:
if you are uncomfortable with the concept, chances are you will not enjoy the act. remember that it should be give and take. What f your partner is not willing to do certain things that only you may enjoy. Be sure you keep your sex life on an equal even playing field
November 9, 2006 at 5:24 am
(13) mikkey says:
After 3years of togetherness my boyfriend and i tried anal sex and truth be told it was incredible. we tried once before,fairly early on in the relationship but it was too painful (my partner’s a big boy) however recently I have enjoyed anal stim when having sex in doggie style
and decided that perhaps i cud try again. at no point did my partner pressure/me. lots of lube+clit stimulator. amazing!
November 10, 2006 at 7:10 pm
(14) Mickey M. O'Leary says:
I like anal sex. My friend laker and I do it all the time and sometimes my wife will oblige too and use the strap on on me. I think both men and women need to be open to this experience. I am normally impotent, so receiving anal sex is for me the only way to feel like a man. Or woman!
November 11, 2006 at 2:41 am
(15) D-Yan says:
Wow on comment number 14. Taking it up the ass makes you feel like a man…. LMAO
November 30, 2006 at 11:09 pm
(16) Tammy says:
My current boyfriend turned me on to anal sex. I don’t tbhink he realized what a maniac he was creating when he convinced me to try it. All I can say is: WOW!!!!!!! He was slow and gentle and well lubed up. He is quite big and he made sure to take his time. Once he was in “to the hilt” so to speak I had a very pleasant and “full” sensation in my lower belly. After a bit of time he was, well let’s just say he was very vigorous! I had an orgasm so intense I never imagine it could feel so good. Then feeling him come inside me…felt like a living creature was released in my lower tummy!
December 30, 2006 at 6:51 pm
(17) Anal Queen says:
Doit!Up the ASS is Heavenly ! DOIT ! AND DOIT! But Lube up Well First ! and then doit deep . . . hard n fast
December 31, 2006 at 5:34 pm
(18) Mitch says:
I am a 56 year old male. I am reading this trying to find a consensus of those who have tried anal sex. A conservative man, married for 34 years, with mostly a normal sex life, my wife and I never experienced it primarily because it was undesirable to her, and I respected her wishes. She considers it unclean and immoral. The problem is, ever since I was a young lad, young adult and now middle aged, I have been more stimulated by the female butt and anal area than I was the vaginal area. At this age, without the prospect of anal sex, I am beset with ED. While Viagra is an option, my interest in vaginal sex is just no longer enough to motivate me to do anything about it. I understand her feelings about it and she understands my motivations. Without any resentment, we more or less accept the absense of sex. However, I can’t stop my desires for it, even at this age, and I feel like I am going to miss out an experience in life that has influenced me all my life. Am I a pervert? Do my desires and fantacies constitute an unreal expectation. I hear so many comments by women with bad experiences, and yet many of the female comments in this section have been positive. What am I to think?
January 5, 2007 at 3:01 am
(19) ukuni says:
two questions. i’ve heard that women in quebec (i live in toronto, canada) engage in anal sex more than in ontario – both are provinces in canada. is there any truth to it? i want to try anal sex, how do i go about asking a woman to have anal sex with me?
January 8, 2007 at 5:47 am
(20) Claire. says:
I am 28 and have enjoyed anal sex from the age of 17. I saw one of my brothers prono tapes and it was happening on there and it turned my on so much I wanted to try it. I’ve never had a bad experience however, I would say, use plenty of lube and if you have a clit viabrator use that at the same time, it’s simply sensational.
January 10, 2007 at 5:09 am
(21) Sue says:
Isn’t strange that you get more men answering your question than women?? I’m suprise no one has ever thought of “human waste aka shit” can be get stuck on the tip of the penis … I have not tried and never will. Men are all for it cos its tighter and for their own perverse pleasure. Where only a handful women claimed they really like it but with lube. Its just not natural … Your anus is not meant for sex full stop.
January 10, 2007 at 10:29 pm
(22) LoverNATURE says:
Firstly my unlimited RESPECT,VALUE AND SALUTATION to all and thier personel opinions.
1-WHY WE HAVE NATURAL LUBRICANT FROM THE VAGINA AND NOT FROM ANUS ?
2-ANAL SEX IS CREATED BY MAN AND IT DOES NOT EXIST IN NEITHER ANIMAL KINGDOM NOR PLANTS !
3-WE ARE SURE THAT THE MAN DOES NOT ENJOY THE PLEASURE OF SEX IN ANY OTHER FORM MORE THAN HAVING IT THROUGH VAGINA .
4-CREATIVITY OF POSITIONS AND STYLES WAS ONLY DESIGN TO FEEL MORE SENSATIONAL BETWEEN PARTNERS OF DIFERENT SIZES SO ON AND SO FOR BUT NOT FOR ANAL .
5-SEX IS NOT NEW TO HUMANS NOR RELIGIONS WHERE WE CAN FIND GREAT PEOPLE TOOK THE IMPORTANCE TO EXPLAIN ABOUT SEX,FOR AN EXAMPLE KAMASUTRA .BUT NON;I REPEAT NON OF THEM RECOMENDED ANAL SEX .
6-MORALLY NO OTHER CREATURE WORST THAN US .
I CONCLUDE,WHY SHOULD WE GO FOR AN ALTERNATIVE WHEN WE HAVE THE BEST OF WHAT WE WANT.
A MAN AFTER SERVING SENTENCE IN PRISON IF HE IS GIVEN A CHOICE OF VAGINA OR ANUS OR ORAL OR MACHINE OR ETC ?
ALL OF US KNOW WHAT HE WILL GO FOR.
THAT IS ALL FOR NOW.
January 15, 2007 at 9:39 pm
(23) Luke says:
LoverNATURE.
Dolphins, benoboes and flamingos have full homosexual relationships. The kamasutra depicts anal sex. The rest of your post is anti-sex dogma so I’m dismissing it out of hand. The question wasn’t “Who would like to regurgitate some conservative rubbish to make me feel guilty and dirty about something quite common?” Try to stick to the facts.
Mitch: I don’t know how you are gonna get around this but 56 years old is too young to just give up on sex when you are still sexually active. You aren’t a pervert you are just more adventureous than your wife. Please stop torturing youself about this.
To most everyone else: Thanks for telling us of your useful pleasurable experiences.
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Based on research, anal sex can be very pleasurable for women because the rectum shares a wall with the vagina, and the sexual nerves are actually closer on that side, which makes the sensation unique, stronger and quite possibly orgasmic.
Women are just as excited as man to be venturing into the anal aspect of sex and know how it feels. Today they don’t longer sharing the violating of some sort of unwritten moral code or taboo for trying what perhaps please them. Sure, for men it’s going to be much tighter, although the pain for women is inevitable, is perhaps the thrill of it all
So, the overall satisfaction is based on your mental or physical position.
February 2, 2007 at 11:31 am
(25) r says:
I tried anal sex for the first time last night. I have to say, it didn’t hurt, and it made me scream like a banshee! My husband was great and just did as I asked and it was a pleasure for us both. It was sensitve in new areas and we loved that it was a little bit naughty. We did use plenty of lube. It wasn’t anything like I thought it would be. I think I actually liked it more than my husband, though he says he’s game anytime!
February 4, 2007 at 12:29 pm
(26) MFD420 says:
Wow!
Thanks for sharing everybody.
I pressured a couple of girlfriends into it during University days, but it always ended it awkwardness and neither really enjoyed.
I’ve been in a stable, happy marriage for 10 years and we’ve begun exploring the intimate ‘digestive tract’ sex possibilities. Now I don’t know if the posts above are true or not, but now that I’ve a clean and pain-free technique for the intimate act of anal, our relationship is more open than it’s ever been.
When I penetrate that area, gently at first, withdraw and re-lube a couple of times, don’t be anxious, stop immediately if things get awkward… that woman turns into a different person! She’ll enter a state of perpetual orgasm and collapses at the end. If any of you have ‘been there’ you know what I mean.
Why would I ever cheat? To be able to give my life partner such a sensation, it fulfills me.
I don’t know about reciprocating… I guess I’m the squeamish one in the relationship…
Anal in monogamy –> consenting adults should do whatever they damn well please
Here’s to ‘full body’ sex!
MFD420
canada
February 6, 2007 at 2:48 am
(27) Jaycee says:
I enjoy anal play. Pain is not inevitable for the woman if you a work into it by using fingers, first one and work up to 3 and use lots of lube. Breathe and relax. One way to really get into it is for woman to squat or kneel over man and very slowly lower herself onto shaft bit by bit, moving up and down in tiny increments. Man may help “aim” but should not push until woman is very relaxed and comfortable. In this position the woman has more control of penetration, and by facing each other they can communicate easier, enjoy each other’s facial expressions and have plenty of clitoral stimulation. Fantastic!!
February 8, 2007 at 11:29 pm
(28) Michelle from SoCal says:
Ever since my dear husband of many years introduced me to Euro-porn, which featured extensive anal pleasuring, we have enjoyed anal intercourse as an essential aspect of our frequent love-making! I recommend it for everyone.
February 11, 2007 at 3:37 am
(29) Richard says:
My first wife and I explored anal sex, and found it mutually erotic and enormously satisfying right from the start. As nearly all proponents have posted, lots of lube, and start slowly. We were both young, and “university student rebellious” types at the time, which probably helped the anal adventure significantly. Unfortunately though, as we grew older, we grew apart (mostly due to work pressures). My second wife flatly refuses to go there, though that does not stop my fascination with anal. I would never seek outside the marriage – I am just not that sort of guy, and in practical terms, it would cost the earth to divorce. Being a bit of a fatalist, I believe everything that is meant to happen will happen for the right reasons, and in good time, so I just continue to wait, like Sylvester the cat waiting to catch that darned canary!
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Get drunk or stoned together and ‘accidently’ massage the ‘forbidden’ area through her underwear. It’s amazing how contained women are about these things until they get used to the idea. It might take a year or so, but build up to in very slow, subtle steps.
It took me five years (mainly for me to get the courage and to get past the ‘what if she thinks I’m a sick perv’ stage)
Or, while performing oral sex (after a bath or shower), use your tongue on the area between the vagina and anus–but build up to it slowly.
By hey, if she won’t let you go down on her, the anal thing will not happen. You’ll have to stick to spanking.
Sodomy in monogamy WOO HOOO!!!!
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My husband and I have been talking about and just got a DVD to help us start. I am very exciting about trying this, not sure why all of a sudden I just am into this idea. I don’t think I would consider it with anyone else, he is the best in bed and out of bed.
Anyway, I do have a question. I am very concerened about poop. I know it sounds stupid, but I am worried that when he goes into me that something else will come out. Or that when I am trying to relax and breathe that something will come out.
Help relieve my worries. Be honest, tell me what I have to do to avoid that.
Lisa
February 19, 2007 at 10:40 pm
(32) Dabu Quinn says:
I would love to have anal sex with my wife. But she does not seem to be interested in sex enough to ever get to do it anally. I’m lucky to get it more than twice a week. Marriage has been the worst thing for my sex life. She use to have sex with me all the time. After marriage it’s not even an issue anymore for her.
February 22, 2007 at 1:44 pm
(33) bill edwards says:
I am 67yo male ,my wife is 60 we been doing anal sex for well over 40plus year and it only gets better with age the trick is lots of lube and love for each other and be willing to try new thing in your sex life
February 22, 2007 at 4:01 pm
(34) Gambler says:
Comment 30….. Good question, I do not claim to be an expert. (I have had 3 partners that enjoyed this) Yes it can be an issue and obviously “preparing” is a good move, Most times it isnt and a shower after is always good.
Do not mix and match “holes” going from one to the other, this is very unhygenic. But for the most part your fears will not be an issue.
February 24, 2007 at 10:45 pm
(35) franc black says:
ladies, this should be your rule #1 with those anxious guys: you can’t poke it unless you are willing to lick it first
bathe/shower before and after, lots of lube (also helps coat the insides and block residual poop smears)
be patient be gentle do not rush (at first)
get an anal probe or slim vibrator to loosen things up first
sodomy in monogamy is the most intense thing that I’ve ever experienced
have fun y’all
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I am a very tiny woman and my husband is a heavy man. He has brought this suject up several times because he says his friends like it and he has also seen porn and wants to do this very much. I however told him I would think about it but really dont want to. However he has insinuated that after 5 yrs of marriage and our child that if I do not comply maybe we shouldn’t be together. Should I try this though I don’t want to to keep our family 2gether or should he just leave me alone about it I am really upset about this whole sexual act please help
March 1, 2007 at 5:30 am
(38) lhw says:
I have been married a very long time and have not had a wide range of sexual experiences so anal sex was a completely foreign thing to me……. until recently. I had my first experience a few weeks ago. I must say the thought was exciting and I thought I was ready, however I it was a little harder to accommodate the size of my partner then I thought it would be….and we didn’t really get to complete the act. It was painful and I had bleeding for a few days afterwards — I’m guessing it is all part of the “breaking-in period” And even though it was not successful the first time, I’m willing to give it another try it the opportunity presents it’s self again.
March 1, 2007 at 7:59 pm
(39) julia says:
i was reluctant to have anal sex because i have irritable bowel syndrome and am very anxious about the butt area. last night was my first experience with anal and it was the worst sensation i have ever experienced. my boyfriend is experienced with anal and used lots of lube but it was still awful and i would advise anyone to make sure you really want it before you let anyone near your back door.
i’m willing to bet that half of all marriages fail because of this kind of issue
by ‘sodomy in monogamy’ i mean that once you have had satisfying anal sex with a partner, how could you ever leave it?
but be fair to both: you’ve got to get the passage ready of an extended period of time–fingers for ten or so sessions, tongue a few times, then a butt plug or small vibrator (yes! from one of those dingy little pervert sex shops!!), lots of lube always (remember the smears guys!), patience, patience, ….
it’s about building trust and submitting totally to another human being… soul mates….. it’s real! soul mates really do exist! and if you want him be yours, let him poke your heiny….but remember ladies –> he MUST lick it first! just hope he likes the taste of lube….;)
March 15, 2007 at 6:35 am
(41) analover says:
Anal sex may be enjoyable for most men but it may not be enjoyable for most women, at least initially. If the man insists on doing it, ask him to wear a condom, lubricate it and go in slowly. I am told there are more germs in the anus than elsewhere and so condom is a must to avoid infection. Lubrication is a must to avoid pain as well as internal injury which may or may not be repairable. Going in slow is also a must to avoid pain to woman and internal injury. All said and done, dont do it on a regular basis; it might end up with permanent damage to bowel movement of the woman. And if the woman does not like it or feels uncomfortable, dont do it at all if you really love her.
My present girlfriend hesitated at first, but with a little “playing” in that area got turned on to it. Now we do anal sex almost all the time and she has earth shattering orgasms. She has just begun to involve me in those great pleasures.
:
It’s fine not to be interested in anal sex. Heterosexual anal sex is nothing new–the hetaira did this in Greece and it was used by couples in the Middle Ages as well.
If you’re interested in anal sex, research the facts, use plenty of lubrication and go slowly at first. If you’re not interested in anal sex, don’t do it, regardless of stereotypial assumptions about “everyone does it”. Some people may enjoy it, but medically wise, anal fistulas, irritation, loosened bowel movements can all occur. You’re also more likely to expose yourself to STDs, especially HPV, which can cause colon cancer.
Do what’s comfortable to you–don’t be with a judgemental or demanding partner who can’t take no for an answer. Or better yet, if he keeps pressuring you for anal after you’ve said no, tell him OK–you’ve always been interested in using a strap on on his back door. A real open man is one who enjoys anal sex as both a top and a bottom.
April 6, 2007 at 11:03 am
(44) researcher says:
Thanks for starting this thread.
I’d love to see references for hetaira in Greece and couples in the Middle Ages–info too vague to do a search. I have not been able to find anthropolgic evidence of female anal sex. There is some new data which sugggests that many common lubricants (KY and astolglide) tested on vaginas are destructive to rectal tissue, so plenty of lube might be counter productive. Never use a spermicidal jelly, they definitely increase odds of infection. Most research has been done with men who have sex with men even though there are 10 times as many women having anal sex as MSM (because there are many more women than gay men).
April 20, 2007 at 6:00 am
(45) Internet Guy says:
This is to Mitch from December 31, 2006:
Your post sounded very heartfelt and sincere, have you tried telling your wife something similiar to what you wrote? You could also gather information from a woman’s point of view, and both of you read it together. If her concerns are based on lack of information, you may be able to alleviate them.
It can be sad to miss out on something you have always wanted to do, and I hope everyone gets a chance to do things that are important to them. If you and your wife have a heart to heart talk, being open, honest, and loving, whatever conclusion is reached will hopefully sit well with both of you, especially if you love eachother.
I’ve tried anal sex with a girlfriend at the age of 15. She didnt enjoy it because it hurt even with lube. My recent girlfriend sweares that it wont happed ever but I snuck a finger while having oral sex with her and she really enjoyed it. We normally have great sex, she says I pack more heat than any man she’s ever been with. She has always been afraid of things she’s never done but I think she’d like this experience if she only gave it a chance. Obviously I’d take it slow because its only her first time…after i warm it up with a finger ^.^ . My friends girlfriend highly recomends it and I can’t wait! For all the haters/haterettes I’m not trying to use this as a control factor, just something new to spice up our sex life. I’m 23 and she is 21…im way more experienced than she is so I’d like to try something new which she likes but doesnt have the guts to admit lol. Advice or suggestions are welcome!
April 20, 2007 at 6:52 am
(47) Nicky Blue Eyes says:
sorry for double post! All I know is after i performed great oral sex and gave her a poke or ten she told me her body felt numb. Ive never heard that before + her screaming orgasims showed me her shyness cant hide her anal interests :-)
Also on one occation I made her squirt while she was on top (Though i tend to do all the work while she is on top). It was like a waterfall which not every woman can do. Ive tried it with my fingers like Ive seen on porn but I havent been able to duplicate it. When my hand is in i feel a webbed bit of flesh and a large ball up north In primary G-Spot location! She is stimulated by both but which is the G-spot? I’d like to know where to focus so she reaches a rediculous orgasm and squirts like Ol’Faithful lol
I’ve had anal sex with three different men. I enjoy it most of the time with my current partner but sometimes it hurts a little. We watch a some anal sex videos online to get me going sometimes and he kisses my neck and gets me all turned on before he can slide inside me. He has to be lubricated otherwise he has a hard time going in.
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I must say that more and more of my girlfriends are ask me for anal sex, some even expect it as part of our usual sexual routine.
Being a caring sort of bloke and having asked my girlfriends what their views on anal sex are I get two answers.
1. Depending on how the woman is built and her mood, anal sex hightens pleasure gives a more intense experience.
2. It’s a naughty girl fantasy / controll thing… or just fun to do something seen as kinky or diferent.
So at the end of the day as long as the two of you are honest about what you want and like and are caring it’s all good.
THOUGH I WILL SAY….
1.Guys be gentle, she must also be very relaxed and happy to play!
2.More lube the better….
3.Even more lube…
4.Did I mention lube?
Have fun yall… :-)
Firstly, to #44, the thing that stood out of all the threads, was your bracketed comment about gay men. Let me put you straight…there are more hetrosexuals that perform anal sex than anyone else, because a man wishes or has anal sex does not make him gay, and not all gay men have anal sex. Comments like the one you made shows how homophobic people are.
Anal sex has been practised for centuries (as stated by others)it has often been used as a form of contraception.
There are many good books around on anal health & sex, which will tell you about hygiene etc. You should never go from anal to vaginal sex (the other way round is ok) use plenty of lube, take it real slow (also stated by others) you may have watched a porn movie with anal sex and seen how they just go at it…what you don’t see, is how long it has taken those people to get to that stage, and don’t forget, they do it for a living.. and another important thing not mentioned by anyone else, is trust and communication…they go along way in an anal encounter!
Also, it is still illegal in some countries. Many people enjoy (and so they should) anal sex.
Those who make comments like ‘oh it’s only for outgoing things, not in’ usually shows how you have been brought up to believe these things.
No-one should be or feel pressured into performing sexual acts that they do no want to participate in.
And to #7 thread…because a man desire’s anal sex with a partner does not mean that he is insecure, and only wants to dominate that partner….I’m wondering if you have had a bad experience in your past life to make you feel like this!
I would also suggest for those of you who may not be in a monogamous relationship, to practice safe sex by using a dam for oral sex, especially when rimming, use a condom when penetrating anywhere!
And my final comment would be to those of you who desire anal sex but currently have unwilling partners….all good things take time!!
To #48…I suggest you communicate with your partner about ‘where to go’ ask her where she likes it, get her to show you how….communication and sharing that is part of the enjoyment of it all.
May 8, 2007 at 10:05 pm
(52) sarah says:
I love anal sex, just thinking about it makes my panties wet
anal sex is an incredible feeling. It was not until recently that I became involved with an incredible woman who I foresee marrying. Before i could even ask her interest levels, she stated that she thoroughly enjoys it; especially during her period. She told me I had to experience it. I have to tell you the feeling is absolutely amazing. She moaned so intensely from the pleasure being received. We plan on practicing it more often. I am HOOKED. Woman … you must try it. If you do not succeed the first or second time, do not say no. I hear so many woman say that they did not enjoy it at first. But then upon more experimentation, they cannot imagine their sex life without it now. Get aroused, use lots of lubrication, and go slowly. Once in and she is relaxed. The motion can begin. Have fun …. !!!!
May 11, 2007 at 6:26 pm
(54) Jilly says:
definitely only in monogamy…i don’t want to think that my partner would play with other E.Coli and then bring it back to our bed
my boyfriend always uses his finger first, this is like asking if it’s ‘OK’ at that time (like if I feel clean enough and confident enough) and lube applied several times while working the area to get it ready for bigger things!
trust, loyalty, cleanliness, patience, and LUBE LUBE LUBE!!
on average we include an anal session about twice a month (like on a weekend with lots of time to be patient and cleanup and such)
i was never sure how popular it is as i do not discuss with friends, but this boards seems to indicate that safe loving anal pleasures are a monogamous couple’s best kept secret!!
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My husband and I have been having anal sex for about three months now. We tried it after a friend told me she enjoyed it with her husband. I was a little surprised by this. I started thinking about it and asked my husband if he wated to try it. After four or five trys we suceeded. I had the most incredible orgasm I’ve ever felt. My husband said he never felt anything so intense as cumming in my butt.
Since that time we have anal sex almost every day. We can’t get enough. A lot of days I think about having him in my butt. When he gets home I jump him when he walks in the door just so I can have him in my butt. My husband loves it to. That’s good because I only want him in my butt now.
May 18, 2007 at 2:25 pm
(56) insop says:
my gf once asked me to do it ” you been dying for this for age havent you ” it was out of the blue
and i hadnt been thinking on it
but i must admit it was a fantastic night
but i would like the women tell us men how we should try to ask our partners
hoow to ask if they would like it
May 19, 2007 at 8:45 pm
(57) Mr A says:
Hello. I thought I would pop by and say – as a man – that some of these comments are very opinionated. Almost as if some of these women enjoy making men out to be the bad guy.
Never had an interest in anal myself, although I have used a finger with my girlfriend as the pressure on her anus helps achieve a greater orgasm.
I am proud to say I am not a selfish man and I never think of my own pleasure during sex. My concentration lies soley on my beloved and I don’t rest until she is satisfied. All the man haters in here are obviously dating the wrong people.
I apologise if it seems as though I am crabby. I just don’t like to see all men tarred with the same brush. I myself am very loving and I have feelings.
Please accept my apologies if I have broken the mood.
May 26, 2007 at 1:51 pm
(58) Alan says:
I ‘ve had many girlfriends that so loved getting oral sex with a finger in the butt. They had the most powerful, intense orgasms I’ve ever seen! Some of them really liked anal stimulation in general, and always wanted to take an enema first to clean out some. The enema was a huge turn on for them too. A few had special nozzles, like inflatables and dildo nozzles that were a huge turn on for them. As far as what is normal sex, Masters and Johnson put it best by saying that “abnormal sex is anything that can’t be done” (which is nothing).
June 9, 2007 at 4:16 pm
(59) zamir akhtar says:
I am married divorced and remarried person and personally feel that man like and always try for anal sex very few ladies love to enjoy. Ist point that lady should be willing for that
2ndly she should be happy and more hot before performaning sex.
3rdly her position should be properly and well direct for easy entery
4th lube of good quality be used
5th enter just head of cock and then take out many times then enter half and then slowly slowly enter full in deep to avoid pain and unpleasent. during this touch fingure on coilters
it will be better if lady sit on head of cock and take in side ass. just after opening by finure or head of cock then come in motion and enjoy properly hard ass and hips sequeeze man properly. so u can enjoy more perfectly and completly. but frequest enjoy of anal sex may destroy urs marriage life so keep it up in limited and some occassion for more and more enjoyment
June 10, 2007 at 5:38 pm
(60) David says:
My wife of 10 years and I had first tried anal sex after 2 years into our marriage. It happened in a very suprising and unexpected way. One night I teased her about her tight jeans and she said, “I know what you are thinking about.” We walked into the bedroom and without saying another word, she took my penis and began rubbing her anus. I pushed and before either of us knew it, we had both had orgasms. We have anal sex several times a month and are guilty-free about it. It is our lives and we enjoy it.
June 10, 2007 at 5:39 pm
(61) David says:
My wife and I have always had good communication. I tease her a lot because she has an incredibly sexy body, especially her beautiful butt. In jeans, she makes me super hot. Anyways, she enjoys getting her anus licked. One night we both came home early from a party and were in the mood for sex. She was wearing a thong and she took my penis and rubbed it against her anus. I got real hard. She continued to rub and just kept looking it my eyes, we were both silent, and I began to push in and it went inside her. First time for the both of us. She was breathing hard due to her reaching an orgasm. I continued to pound. We both reached our orgasms. She told me she secretly wanted to do this for some time but was embarrassed. I admitted to her that I too was embarrassed to bring it up. Now we have it regularly about 3 times a week. We have been married for almost 10 years. Anal sex can be very enjoyable with trust and honesty.
June 11, 2007 at 6:18 pm
(62) pat says:
right on David! same here … i could have gone through life without it, but now that it has been discovered, neither of us would want to give up this special thrill!!
June 19, 2007 at 2:18 pm
(63) LISA says:
I want to try to do this with my boyfriend but I don’t know how to bring it up. Last weekend when he was fingering me he put his finger in my bottom and I want more…It was great. So the question is how do I bring it up??
June 20, 2007 at 8:24 am
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Liz, don’t do it. Threatening to break up the family over ANY sexual act is on par with RAPE. Your husband is an unreasonable, horrible person if he’s trying to pressure you into it that severely. You can find better.
June 21, 2007 at 8:10 pm
(65) Katie says:
I think that anal sex is a great alternative for people in their teens (like myself) who are worried about pregnancy or who don’t think they are ready for intercourse. I haven’t expirianced it yet but I am seeing my boyfriend during July long weekend and I’m SO excited/apprensive about it. Especially after hearing so many “mixed reviews.” I am truly a child of research and am learning so much, these definetly seem to be the key things:
- The anus is very sensitve and has no natural lube, use plenty of water-based lube.
- *Water-Based* Lubricant is important as it won’t reduced the effecttiveness of a condom, which should definetly be used because of the bateria and because the anus is somewhat more likely to become infected with an STI.(HIV, etc.)
- The woman (or man) on the reciving end must be VERY relaxed, as this will make for an easier fit for.. well whatever is headed for your rear end. Lots of foreplay helps with relaxation.
Anywho, I hope I don’t sound like a complete idiot and that I helped someone out.
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I have had many experiences with Anal sex, I tried it in my marriage and it really didnt work out, it was very painful and i didnt like it. After my divorce I met a guy who was really into anal, I suggested i would like to try it again, He did it the right way, Ladies if you are worried about the potty on the penis issue, try giving yourself an Enema before hand, this will clean out the area and you wont have the worry of poo on the penis.
Yes lube is important, Yes you have to work your way up to it.
I have been with my partner for 5 yrs, he had never had anal sex, i suggested it to him and he doesn’t actually like it as much as vaginal but he does it to please me.
So you see there are men out there who arent pressuring their women to have it, Us girls like it just as much as guys do.
People need to realize we are creatures of pleasure and we look for that next step in achieving it.
i say partake in as many pleasures as you can, you only live once.
July 4, 2007 at 10:23 pm
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You two should get together and write a guide on this for adult females (and males too, I guess).
One has the questions, the other has the answers. And you both have the MOTIVATION!!!
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My husband of 19 years is not interested in sex more than every few months – if I am lucky. I recently started having an affair with someone who asked if I would try anal sex. I am considering it….
July 17, 2007 at 12:02 am
(69) maybe says:
Even dogs are smart enough to know the right hole! Disgusting and I do not believe women enjoys it. Women who enjoys it simply wants to please the man in their lives period!
July 17, 2007 at 12:25 am
(70) Ketlene says:
I have been married to my husband for 20 years. I never knew that he likes anal sex until one day few months ago we were doing it doggy style and he tried to put it in there. I said ,honey, wrong hole and he replied” I want to put it in there” It was so painfull and I bled like I just lost my virginity.The problem is he tried to do it with out any lubricant. I think he didn’t think he needs it. The next day I went to the store and get some lubricant and do it again and it was good.Last week he tried to do it again but with out the lubricant, i couldn’t finish it cuz it was painful….believe it or not he can cum so quick while doing it the back door than the front door. Maybe because it’s really tight in the back door.
July 18, 2007 at 12:33 am
(71) Happy says:
Plenty of comments…All valid..except for number 22
July 19, 2007 at 12:03 am
(72) Arizona couple says:
My first time ever performing Anal sex with a woman was at age 22. I had always wanted to try it but was always to nervous to ask. My partner at the time had just tuned 18.We were young and very curious but we started off with vaginal sex. As things moved forward, She was the one who asked if I wanted to try this taboo act. I was very suprised and excited at the same time. I am pretty sure that we both had better orgasms from it. Some women in my life enjoyed it,some… not so much. I think the key is to respect your partners limits. If they arn’t into this don’t push the issue. No pun intended!
July 20, 2007 at 8:09 pm
(73) Craig Kois says:
I love anal sex, especially in between class breaks with my extra naughty students ;)
July 26, 2007 at 7:23 pm
(74) greg says:
2-ANAL SEX IS CREATED BY MAN AND IT DOES NOT EXIST IN NEITHER ANIMAL KINGDOM NOR PLANTS !
I suppose the all caps should have been a good indication, but this is simply not accurate. anal sex exists in *plenty* in the animal world, for one. sheep, monkeys, dogs, in both hetro and homosexual context.
two. plants?! PLANTS?!
July 28, 2007 at 3:19 pm
(75) LOVE IT!!!! says:
I love anal. I prefer it actually. I think everyone should try it. You don’t know what you’re missing.
July 28, 2007 at 8:35 pm
(76) Wanting it says:
I’m a 49 year old female and have never had the privelege. I’ve wanted to try it as long as I can remember. It looks like I may have an opportunity soon and I can hardly wait!!
July 31, 2007 at 9:17 pm
(77) C says:
Some good comments for both the pros and the cons.
I’ve recently started researching this topic because my boyfriend (who has experienced anal with two other partners previously) has been grappling with this issue.
I have a ton of gastrointestinal health issues including Irritable Bowel Syndrome, have needed a colonoscopy by age 25, and have been prone to UTIs (despite all precautions). Furthermore, I have never really been interested in anal. I can’t even watch it on porn because it makes me so uncomfortable!
We have a very active, adventurous, and frequent sex life, including plenty of oral for both of us. However, I don’t want to lick his anus, and I don’t want anal sex for myself. I would be perfectly fine never having my anus licked. He hasn’t expressed an interest in being poked, only in penetrating me.
He insists that he “thinks {I} would enjoy anal, and just don’t know it.” I’ve seen this posted by other guys on this thread.
But I’ve had my “salad tossed” once by previous partner when I was intoxicated, and I’ve had a finger inserted partially before. I did not take any pleasure from the insertion. And I did not enjoy being licked when I was sober.
I feel really pressured to give him this because he is unsure how to deal with his problem (he admits it’s his hangup, not mine). I’m worried that he will resent me or be unhappy that I don’t want anal. He says he has to “deal with the fact that {he’ll} never get anal again.”
I’m leaning towards sticking to my answer of “no” for penetrating me anally. I was a solid “no” on licking him, but I did read about DENTAL DAM. One health website recommends it to avoid contracting a STOMACH VIRUS.
Other helpful information and concerns to consider:
1. Many websites recommend Astrolglide in combination with Latex condoms.
2. Many health website insist using a condom for anal to avoid bacteria and disease.
3. If licking or putting your mouth on an anus, use Dental Dam or clear kitchen wrap to avoid contracting a stomach virus.
4. Anal sex can result in tearing of the rectal tissue and bleeding which leaves “open gates” for bacteria, viruses, infections, cystitis and STDs. It can also cause permanent damage to the rectum and colon, in the worst case.
5. The RECEIVER is the one AT RISK for damage. As the receiver, it’s YOUR health at stake.
6. Anal sex can also result in fistulas, irritation and loose bowel movements.
7. Finally, most medical websites say: IBS + Anal Sex = a REALLY BIG MESS
So if you are willing to risk it, and you take all the precautions and it’s something you want…great. Hopefully knowing some of the risks will help.
August 3, 2007 at 6:38 am
(78) James says:
You shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do or be bullied into it.
As a open minded guy I have no interest in Anal but if others want to then fine.
Just be careful of injury and infection.
My girlfriend does not want it-so why should I force her?
And no I don’t want it done to me!
August 7, 2007 at 12:36 pm
(79) miss sunchine says:
omg how can u ppl love anal sex…my boifren is crazy bout it…its painful u ppl…..
August 8, 2007 at 5:34 pm
(80) Dr. BootyLove says:
I feel that maybe I’m gifted in a weird sort of way! I understand the “ins and outs” so to say, from all veiwpoints. I’ve been sexually active since 14 (and I’m not even 30 yet), and every since my first experience with anal sex I not only feel in love with it….but I’ve never had a problem making a women feel comfortable enough to enjoy anal sex. I like what I do and I do it well!
There were a few that would not let me anywhere near the bootyhole…, thats alright, we still had fun. There has been times where she let me, but I stopped because I saw it was hurting her too much.
You can’t be greedy when it comes to anal sex, “it takes 2 to make a thing go right”!!! I’ve have been several of ladies first anal experience, and most of them get can’t get enough of it!
Funny story, I had one of my ex-girlfriends friends call me wanting tips to help her enjoy it in her relationship!!
All I’m saying is, if it is approached the correct way from start to finish, almost anyone should enjoy it!
August 21, 2007 at 4:23 pm
(81) stuart says:
My wife and I tried it this weekend and in the 15 years of marriage, she has never had an orgasim like that. It did take time, slowly working the fingers in and out, that was so erotic, that it made me cum
August 22, 2007 at 6:59 am
(82) christie says:
My husband gives me an enema before doing it. You need to try it.
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Can you please tell me how he does it and what are the benefits. My wife was extremely tight and it took about 30 minutes before I was able to enter. I know that normally in the past when my wife has an orgasim, she gets really wet, but when we tried anal sex, she actually quirted a stream of juice, is this normal?
August 25, 2007 at 5:45 am
(84) kate says:
I am a 31 year old straight woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. Before being with my boyfriend I had stimulated myself anally during masturbation, but felt embarrased to ask for this with a man. When my boyfriend began to touch me in this area it was extremely enjoyable and I find gentle anal sex gives me the most incredible orgasm if combined with clitoral stimulation, much better than vaginal sex by a million miles. That is my personal story, but each to his or her own taste. Just for the record, I have anal sex because I want to, not because my boyfriend coerces me into it – my desire is as strong as his. I find the view that women cannot enjoy anal sex of their own accord without the notion that a man has to suggest it unliberated and insulting.
September 6, 2007 at 3:09 am
(85) DEBBIE says:
Mitch, you can have anal sex with me anytime you want!
September 8, 2007 at 2:26 pm
(86) ollie says:
Its your ass, no one has the right to tell you what to do, if you want to try it do if you dont then dont simple as that. My personal experience is, I was introduced to it by wife, i was not keen, afraid of hurting her, not a chance she loves it ! and as hard as I can manage, ( plenty of lube). Those who say it’s not natural, neither is flying put we still do it.
September 19, 2007 at 4:25 pm
(87) g says:
I am a male who has had anal sex with a few ladies. Never have they not enjoyed it as much as I do. I personaly think a women enjoys anal sex in ways she cannot enjoy it with out it. I have had my ladies on there tummy with me in there ass and a vibe in theri vangina. Lots of kissing holding and really being close. This goes on for a while then she gets to the palce where she is wild and wants to be ramed hard and then it happens. She has an amzing climax. But it is not jsut a physical thing if a man knwows how to give a lady anal she feels really close to him and vice versa. It can be very romantic.
September 25, 2007 at 5:35 pm
(88) David says:
I’ve been married to my wife for 10 years. I’ve always fantasized about her gorgious butt. We tried anal soon after we were married, but couldn’t get it in (even with lube) and she said it hurt, so we didn’t try it again for a long time. A few months ago, we tried again and she figured out a better position to get it in. It felt fantastic for me, very tight, and very erotic being that I had fantasized about her butt for so long. I had to go very slow, because she was very tender. She wanted to do it again the next day, and about once or twice a month every since. Now she has improved to where she wants me to give it to her hard and fast. I get off in like 60 seconds this way. It is also great because we don’t use any birth control (due to various reasons) and so normally I can’t just get off inside of her, but I can with her butt!
September 28, 2007 at 4:00 pm
(89) louis says:
I started anal by myself ist to help dilate my anus and help with hemhorroids.Worked great. Then I liked bigger dildos for a bigger stretch. Not gay ,my wife doesn’t like anal and I’ve given up on her.Its not a power issue just something I enjoy.Our marriage suffers .Separated for a while now back together.Given up the toys but not turned on with normal sex.She is judgemental and not open to anything new.This issue is divisive for us.Best to fool around than hurt myself anymore. Had surgury before to remove foreign object.Its easy to get obsessed with anal desire.
September 29, 2007 at 10:23 pm
(90) Rachel says:
I’m a transgendered person, normally (and genetically) male, sometimes female. All my life, most of my sleeping dreams I’ve been in my male persona, but at least one third of the time I’ve been female in the dream. This has been WAY before puberty and there was no eroticism in the dreams.
However, by the time puberty hit, I had the hots for women(both aspects of me). Curious, I had to try anal masterbation to see what it would be like to have something inside me. It was wonderful!
Presently I am 44, married to a wonderful woman, we have pretty vanilla vaginal and oral sex as male(me) and female(her), and we enjoy it immensely. REALLY.
She knows all about my feminine side and is actually supportive and gives me clothing/appearance advice occasionally when I crossdress.
My feminine side also has it’s own sexuality which my wife knows ALL about, she’s not into that as a participant but that’s fine, we’re such a good match otherwise it’s nothing to quibble over.
Basically I satisfy myself femme-wise by anally masterbating wearing sexy clothes and listening to pretty music such as Enya(sp?)and I love it. It’s like treating oneself to a long hot bath or massage. It’s also akin to Goddess worship by enjoying ALL feminine aspects of myself including the sexual side.
My wife knows I do this and actually lets me do it whenever I feel the need. I would gladly share it with her but again, she’s just not into it. I don’t pressure to DO it, and she doesn’t pressure me not to.
So, I say all that crap about anal sex being non-natural or power-complexes by men over women, male insecurity, etc, is nonsense. There are always going to be some men who are jerks and want power and control over women, and unfortunately, the popculture and porno industry portray and support that section of men. I AM NOT ONE OF THEM!!!
Anal sex can be beatiful, intense, subtle, enjoyable, relaxing, energizing, etc. It’s also clealy NOT for everyone, neither is mint-chocolate chip icecream. I’m tired of those who denigrate it by being abusive practitioners and I’m tired of those who denigrate it by portraying it as something negetive. It is what it is and what you make of it.
I want to tell anyone who is curious to try it, well lubed, with a condom, know your partner, take your time and relax and enjoy it. If it’s not for you, you’ll know it, if it is, you’ll know it.
-Thanks, Rachel
